The Kill In Me
by Moranth
Summary: When you're at the end of your rope, even the worst options look promising. It's uncertain what led Kolyat to try to again don the mantle of assassin, but Thane will do what he can to correct him. Kinkmeme fill.


Kolyat's shoebox of an apartment felt even smaller with another person in it, and the tension between sucked out all the air. His father had dropped by to check on him, like he said he would, only to find that Kolyat was going out to look for work, _his_ kind of work.

"Please. Do not do this."

Thane stood stiffly by the door, hands clasped tightly in front of him. Kolyat didn't look at him as he shoved items he knew he wouldn't need into a duffle bag. "Why not? You do it."

"You don't want to be like me."

"You're damn right I don't." Kolyat laughed dryly. "So how about this: I won't start a family and then fucking _abandon_ them. How's that sound?"

There was hurt in his father's eyes, but he didn't flinch. "Mouse won't help you find a target this time."

Kolyat figured as much. He kept his hands busy, trying not to look as perturbed as he felt. "He's not the only source of information on this station."

"They won't help you either."

"You can't know everyone on this station."

"No, but they know me."

Kolyat threw down the bad, letting its contents spill out on the floor. "What do you care what I do anyway?" Kolyat bit the inside of his cheek. He knew damn well why he wanted him not to do it, but he didn't see what else he could do. He hadn't finished school; he had a criminal record, though it mostly consisted of minor offenses with no mention of the failed assassination. It was either a job like this, or a gig moving boxes. Killing people paid better. A fluke had fucked him up the last time, he was sure of it. This time would be better. This time… His father's connections had gotten him off the hook once; they wouldn't work a second time. Then what? He'd end up in jail or worse?

"I don't want this life for you. Your mother wouldn't want this for you-"

"Don't you use _her_ against me!" Kolyat jabbed at his father's chest, letting his anger bubble out of him. "You didn't care what she wanted when she was alive, so don't try to throw it at me now that she's dead."

"You think that you want to walk in my shadow? That you want this life?" Thane roared, and it was the most anger Kolyat had ever seen his father show. "You have the chance to be anything you choose. Don't choose this."

If he thought a few sad words and scare tactics could change Kolyat's mind, he was dead wrong.

"If it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me. Isn't that how this works?"

Kolyat regretted those words now.

Thane relented and told him he would show him what the life of an assassin was like. "Conceal yourself and wait for me," he said, and Kolyat had done just that. Hours had passed since Thane had said to meet him.

Kolyat found two buildings that didn't look like they'd collapse if he sneezed too hard and hid himself between them. As he waited, Kolyat pored over why exactly he'd shown up in the first place.

Perhaps some vestige of the father-son relationship they once had still remained and had made him obey, but imprinting or not, Kolyat was ready to leave.

This section of the Citadel had fallen by the wayside in the wake of the station's restoration. Electricity flowed through a light far overhead, but not much else. Water pooled between crumbling buildings, soaking his boots to the ankle. It was enough that the hull's integrity was up to par, expecting this little corner of the sprawling station would be at least partly repaired was obviously too much.

This might have been a busy square once, but now it was completely dead. There was a relatively open area lined by buildings that still held wares that weren't even worth taking. Crumpled metal and debris littered the ground, and even in Kolyat's hiding place. When a cold drop of water dripped from a leaky pipe and slid down the back of Kolyat's head and neck for the third time, he decided that he had had enough. _That's it! I'm out of here!_

He shuffled towards the mouth of the alley, wiping at the back of his neck. He'd almost reached the end, when someone barreled into the enclosure. He just managed to squeeze back into his hiding spot as a lone turian ran several feet in front of him.

"I know you're here, drell," he shouted, as loud as his winded lungs would allow. "Show yourself." He spun in a slow circle, machine pistol held level in a tight grip. He fired at random, one of the shots striking the wall near Kolyat's head. The drell bit his tongue as he dropped to the ground. What the fuck was going on?

Thane appeared like a phantom from the darkness on the other side of the square. He walked towards the turian, head slightly bowed, hands clasped behind him. Kolyat hadn't known anyone else was there.

"Look, I didn't mean to," the turian panted, mandibles twitched erratically, "Let me go and I swear no one will hear from me again."

Nothing.

"I can pay you. I'll give you everything I have." The turian fumbled in his pockets. "Look. Look." He dropped a few loose credit chits on the floor to ward off the oncoming drell, but Thane ground his offerings underfoot.

"I can't die," the turian said frantically. Suddenly remembering that he had a weapon, he aimed it squarely at Thane. "I can't let you kill me!" His voice cracking as he shouted, but he never a choice in the matter.

Quick as lightning, Thane stepped into his opponent's-no, not an opponent, a _victim_-perimeter. The turian managed to squeeze off a shot, but the slug embedded itself uselessly in an abandoned storefront. A forearm across the soft part of the turian's throat and he made a gurgling sound as he struggled for breath. His gun arm twitched, and Thane took hold of it, stepping around the turian in a macabre dance. He twisted the arm at an unnatural angle with an audible crack. The turian tried to cry out, but his crushed windpipe only allowed for a mangled groan. Before the turian's arm could fall uselessly at his side, Thane clamped down on his head-a hand on the fringe and one under the jaw-and with a quick jerk—

Kolyat couldn't look anymore, but he heard the turian hit the ground with a sickening thud. Then footsteps, slow and quiet, headed right for him. He hadn't drawn attention to his hiding place. When the footsteps stopped right in front of him, Kolyat lifted his head. No sign of the act he'd just committed registered on Thane's face or in his manner. His hands still clasped behind him, he maintained that ramrod posture, looking just as he had back at the apartment: dejected, disappointed, tired.

Thane said nothing as Kolyat struggled to catch up and stop the scene from replaying in his mind. Shooting someone from a distance was different, easier. Kolyat had done it himself. But this… Thane killed the turian with his bare hands. It had been quick, but it was nowhere near being painless. Then there was the fear. At this distance Kolyat could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. He had begged for his life. Thane killed him anyway.

He wanted to ask his father why. Who told him to kill him? What had the turian done wrong? How did he know for certain? But the only sound Kolyat made was a garbled sob as he introduced his lunch and part of his breakfast to the alley floor.

Stomach empty, he glanced up at his father, who loomed large over him, making him feel small and childlike. The things he'd said, the poor way he'd behaved made him feel worse. He had to leave.

Kolyat straightened up, forcing his attention on his father, and not behind him. He sidled toward the end of the alley, but stopped in his tracks when Thane cast him a hard glare. "We aren't done yet," Thane said calmly, even as he sent motes of worry prickling up Kolyat's arms.

"What do you mean?" He fought to keep the quiver out of his voice as bile burning the back of Kolyat's throat.

"If we leave him here, someone will find him, sooner or later. We have to dispose of him, and you will help me."

Kolyat faltered. His gaze immediately went to the turian whose sightless eyes stared towards the ceiling.

"No way."

"But you must. You wanted to do my work, and this is part of it."

"No, I didn't… I mean-"

"There was a bounty on him and it was only a matter of time before someone claimed his life. That person didn't have to be me. You're as guilty in this as I am and now you have to take responsibility." The words were harsh, but sounded tired to the point they almost felt hollow.

_Him_.

The turian was always him, never _it_, _the body_, _the target_. He had just been as alive as Kolyat mere minutes ago and now…

A fresh wave of nausea hit him, but he swallowed it down. His eyes darted from the exit to his father. He didn't have enough space to squeeze by him, and even if he did, there was no guarantee he would get away. The way Thane was observing him, he was likely anticipating Kolyat's next move.

"Fine."

He followed Thane to the middle of the square and got his first good look at the turian. His head hung limply on his shoulders, leaning too far to one side. Feculence soaked his clothes and pooled on the floor. Thane leaned over the prone form and said a few quiet words as he closed the turian's eyes.

Kolyat tried not to gag as he took hold of his legs. Thane gathered the turian under the arms and led them backwards out of the square. They said nothing to each other, and that suited Kolyat just fine. Walking without stumbling over debris and not vomiting consumed all of his concentration and chatter would feel inappropriate right now.

Thane took a sharp turn, without warning, and the turian slipped from Kolyat's grasp. The man's lower half splayed at acute angles on the floor. Kolyat scrambled to pick him up and for the first time since they'd left the square, he caught his father looking at him.

His face was blank, even as he watched his son scrambling around in the dirt of a broken city and a dead man's filth. This was by far the most disgusting thing Kolyat had ever done. The taint of death was soaking into his skin, creating a stain that no amount of soap and water could ever get clean. And to think, Thane had done it hundreds of times before and still came home as if nothing had happened.

Kolyat forced himself to his feet, and hefted the turian's feet under his arms, the latter's body hanging slack between them. Thane led them to a staircase and motioned for Kolyat to set his end down. Thane surveyed the stairs one more time before dragging the turian down the first flight of stairs. He reached the landing and threw the turian down the next flight. The body bumped and jostled as it rolled awkwardly and when it reached the bottom, it moved no more.

"To someone passing by, it would look he had a nasty spill," Thane said as he ascended the stairs back to Kolyat. "Most people won't think twice about it, and even if they did, C-Sec lacks the funds and the manpower to investigate further. It was either this, or an airlock. This was closer. You mustn't get caught at any cost."

Kolyat stared down the staircase. It seemed too cruel to leave him there like a discarded bag of trash.

Killing Talid's bodyguards had been an accident. Kolyat had shot wildly but hadn't expected to hit anything and hadn't stuck around to see them fall. C-Sec had covered the bodies with tarps when he left the politician's apartment, further protecting him from the consequences of his actions. He hadn't seen the aftermath. He hadn't had to look at their glazed over eyes, smelled them, touched them. It made them more than distant targets, it made them real. Too real.

"You can say a few words if you'd like. It's likely that no one else will."

"That's so cruel…" Every word that came out of Thane's mouth sounded so clinical, so matter-of-fact. It was maddening. Unshed tears stung Kolyat's eyes, but he didn't dare bring his hands near his face to wipe them away.

"This is what you wanted." Thane threw out an arm, gesturing to where the turian lay crumpled at the foot of the stairs. "This is what awaits you if you walk this path. Either you learn to detach yourself from it or you end up like him. One way or the other you'll be cold and dead."

Tears wet his cheeks, and sniffling, Kolyat rubbed them on his forearm. "Does it get any easier?"

Thane hesitated. "I was taught to be able to not see my targets as individuals with families, pasts, and futures I was taking from them. You're far too old for me to try to teach that to you now. Plus, having experienced that pain yourself…"

"How could you do this for so long before Mom, after Mom…?"

"Before I met your mother, I didn't know any better. After… it was to avenge her, at first, and then old habits set in. I thought I had nothing else to live for, no other purpose." Thane looked at him then, a forlorn look in his eyes as if he wanted to touch Kolyat, but he made no move. "I was wrong about that."

He turned resolutely from the staircase instead. "Some people are killers, but most are not. I was raised for this. You were meant to be something more.

"Taking lives won't dim the pain and it won't bring your mother back."

"What else is there for me?" He knew he sounded like he was sniveling, but there it was.

"Anything. You just have to see beyond this… Beyond me." Thane took a few steps towards a more populated section of the Citadel, ready to leave the evening's activities behind them. "But I think it best if we held the conversation elsewhere; we've lingered too long."

Kolyat didn't feel convinced, but he'd let it drop for now. Of all the things that had happened that evening, one thing was now crystal clear: Kolyat was no killer.


End file.
